rabbijaffe

There are a ton of stereotypes out there about the Jews. They range from violent and aggressive to passive and wimpy, from filthy rich to just plain old filthy.

Some stereotypes insult, while others flatter.

And some just seem to just come from out of nowhere.

* * *  

So, I’m sitting in my car when this song pops on the radio:

Here you have a catchy hip-hop song with zero connection to anything within the vicinity of Judaism, and they’re semi-randomly tossing in words like “mazal tov” and “l’chaim”. (starts around the 2 minute mark)

The theme of the song is an all-night, out of control, super fun party… something I am not used to the world associating with Judaism.

Depraved, immoral Mossad agents, deceptive diamond dealers, and overly righteous religious fanatics, this stuff wouldn’t surprise me a bit.

Black Eyed Peas shouting “mazal tov”, this caught me off guard.

But I’ll tell you, it caught me off guard in a good way.

You see, I spent much of my life (as I suspect many a Jew does) thinking of my religion and people as a tad dull. It wasn’t until adulthood that I discovered how not only meaningful and fulfilling, not to mention just downright fun, Judaism could really be.

I heard this song and got nostalgic for my college days, singing and dancing (and drinking) at the Chabad House at SUNY Albany. Most of my best college memories came out of that house. And I forsook all the parties in the world to spend as much time as possible in the place where the real fun was happening.

Maybe the Black Eyed Peas know more about the “real Judaism” than the average Jew does.

Thank you for the memories!   

A rant: We recently purchased a Dell laptop. The computer so far seems fine. The customer service…

Well, listen to my story. You tell me if I’m exaggerating…

* * *

As is quite common my wife’s laptop started going unusably slow, and after much frustration we decided to get a brand new Dell laptop.

Now, the sales process, albeit a bit tedious, was polite and courteous. The laptop itself so far seems to be great. We’ve had no significant complaints as of yet.

But listen to this:

As I was finishing up with the sales representative, he listed for me the components of the computer we ordered. When he finished, the dialogue went something like this:

Me: We also want Lojack. You wrote that, right?

Him: (unconvincingly) Yes, uh-huh.

Me: You included Lojack, correct?

Him: (clearly more focused on finished things up) OK, so you will be receiving your laptop in…

Sure enough, when we received the order confirmation Lojack was not listed.

So I called.

I was thrown around a bit, and eventually tossed to the people who actually physically make the computers.

They said it was finished, and that at this point any changes would be impossible. My only choice would be to now purchase the software separately and put it on the computer myself. (You see, ladies and gentleman, that would have been a little too challenging for the folk at Dell.)

Here’s the catch: When purchasing the laptop the Lojack feature was $5 (on top of the $1,000+ we had already spent). To now purchase the software separately would cost $45. I didn’t think it was fair that I would have to spend nine times the original price for something that was the company’s fault, especially after having shelled out so much money.

So I complained. I was tossed around a bit more. I was given the name of someone who could supposedly help. I called him and left a message. I e-mailed him. Over a month later he has not responded to either. (Remember that. It will come back again…)

Now before I get to the really meaty stuff, I would like to say a word about sales.

Say I were at a sandwich shop, and as I left the store I tripped and my sandwich went all over the floor. Most stores at that moment would have pity and give me another sandwich. This would involve taking a full-fledged loss, but they would do it anyway. Why? #1: Because it’s the right thing to do. #2: Because they value me as a customer, and would like me to return (and buy more). #3: Because they value their reputation, and would like me to speak well of them, so others would like to eat there.

Dell.

Here we have a multi-million dollar corporation that somehow people want to use despite the fact that you can spend one hour on the phone so they can tell you they have no system to deal with their own five dollar error.

So, last week I decided that I wasn’t getting off the phone with Dell until I had solved the problem. Just to let you know, I spent over an hour on the phone. I spoke to at least seven different representatives in about five different countries. It’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten so worked up, the vein on my forehead almost exploded.

And sadly, I have nothing to show for it.

Some gems from my talks:

1. Each person I spoke to was obligated to ask me a series of questions. THE EXACT SAME QUESTIONS! By the seventh time I almost crushed my phone.

2. When I referred to the error as “Dell’s mistake” the person on the phone said that it was not Dell’s mistake, but that of a representative.

I ranted (intentionally in caps):

“YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT THE THEORETICAL CONCEPT WE’RE CALLING “DELL” IN FACT MADE NO ERROR AND, IN FACT, CANNOT DO SO. HOWEVER, DELL IS A CORPORATION MADE OF MANY, MANY EMPLOYEES. SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PAID TO REPRESENT DELL. HENCE, IF ONE THEM MAKES AN ERROR IT IS DELL WHO MADE THE ERROR.”

“I see your point, sir,” says an Indian accent.

3. One person very confidently told me he was going to transfer me to a Case Resolution Specialist, and when I transfer lines I should ask for him. I was transferred.

Me: Can I please speak with a Case Resolution Specialist?

Him: Can I have your name and account number, please?

Me: I really just need to speak with a Case Resolution Specialist.

Him: I cannot transfer you until I get your information, sir.

(I angrily proceed… until he starts asking questions about why I am calling.)

Me: I really don’t want to explain everything several times, so can I PLEASE be transferred to a Case Resolution Specialist!

Him: We don’t have anyone here with that title, sir. Can you please tell me the nature of your call?

4. When arguing about whether or not I responded appropriately to the original error, they told me I should have contacted them immediately. They asked me why I had waited so long.

I mentioned my phone calls and e-mail.

He told me they have no records of these calls.

I said: Is this supposed to impress me? I’ve spoken with five people today, all of whom have asked me to repeat the same information. You clearly have no clue with whom I have spoken or what I have spoken about with ANY of them within the past half hour.. And now you’re going to try and claim that you have full records that explain who has and who hasn’t called you in the past month?!?  

5. At one point I asked a sells representative why people purchase these computers despite the experience that I was having. His response: “Because of our excellent products and customer service.”

I had to take a break to laugh uncontrollably.   

* * *

The computer is fine.

It still doesn’t have Lojack.

I’m never going to use Dell again, nor would I refer the company to anybody else.

Why would anyone?

Warning: This story might be apocryphal. I heard it once, and I would absolutely love to know who told it to me, and whether or not it’s a true story.

Nevertheless, the story goes like this:

A young man was attending college, one with few Jewish students or awareness of Jewish practices. This student put on tefillin every day, but didn’t have a synagogue to pray in. He feared his roommate’s reaction if he put it on in the bedroom, and in general wanted to be inconspicuous.

His choice: Wake up dirt early every day, before there was any chance of his roommate being awake, and put his tefillin on discreetly in the suite room.

His plan went fine for many months… but one morning while this young man was putting on his tefillin, his roommate stumbled out of his bedroom, half asleep, to go to the bathroom. When he was finished, he stumbled right back as quickly as he came, without so much as a word.

Later on that day, a semi-frantic roommate approached his tefillin-wearing Jewish buddy, and quietly said this:

“Listen, dude. I’m cool with a lot of things. And if you want to practice all sorts of weird stuff, honestly it doesn’t bother me at all…

But dude, if you’re gonna do drugs, can you just do it somewhere other than our suite.”

And there you have it…

New bloggers have a bit of difficulty getting the word out that they have written a blog. Until they have a lot more content search engines are simply not going to pick them up, and this could get anyone frustrated.

A cute way of getting the ball rolling generating blog traffic is a website called Blog Explosion. With minimal effort you could pick up an extra 100 or so hits any given day.

Now, these hits are not fantastic. What I mean is: There’s a solid possibility that those who are looking at your site are just doing so because they know all it will take is two clicks on other sites for them to get one on their own. Nevertheless, there are still advantages:

1. If your goal is hits, you get hits.

2. If your content is appealing, people will stop to check it out. If they like it, they’ll come back again. It’s very unlikely they otherwise would have ever found your site, and this is away of attracting new readers.

Good luck getting started!!

I can honestly say, I was more than shocked when I stumbled upon this article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/22/hitlers-mein-kampf-seen-a_n_190064.html

In short, and I know this might be hard to imagine, in India Mein Kampf is quickly becoming a popular book amongst students wishing to learn business management.

Now, I’ll be honest. I do not believe I am admitting intense ignorance by stating that I have not actually read this piece of important world literature. 

Nevertheless, I don’t get it. As far as I understood, Mein Kampf is just a book spewing hate. Since when is hateful propoganda something we can learn management skills from?

And if you tell me the book outlines Hitler’s plan for taking over a country and getting overwhelming loyalty and compliance from hundreds of thousands of people in a relatively short period, I’m still rather confused. Wouldn’t a good business model come packed with a sustainable plan? How would you like your business in just six year to be in ruins, with every member of the company feeling horrific guilt about the actions the company took, the CEO dead from suicide, and all of its executives achieving eternal infamy?

And even if one could somehow manage to suck the minute good from such a book, how does a person allow their eyes to pass over words emanating from such an atrocious, impure source? I’d feel filthy with each passing word!  

On every level I do not get this. 

I work at a really wonderful synagogue in Fulton, Maryland called Temple Isaiah. My primary role is to teach the school’s 7th grade Holocaust curriculum.

Thank God, it appears my efforts have immeasurable benefits. I told my students more times than I can remember two central themes:

1. We need to think long and hard what we can do to make sure people will never forget the tragedies that happened to our people during the Holocaust. But:

2. All our efforts are absolutely irrelevant if we do not remember to take a stand and help as much as we possibly can when we see someone else suffering.

The results:

After being inspired by the movie Paperclips, my students decided to do this wonderful tzedaka (charity) project that we’re calling Pennies for Peace:

We are trying to raise 1.5 million pennies, symbolic of the 1.5 Jewish children who perished during the Holocaust.

Once we’ve achieved our goal, and we’ve done everything in our power to show the world our accomplishment, we will be giving the money raised to a noteworthy charity which works toward the relief of victims in Darfur. (Shortly my students will be voting on which charity we will use, but I assure you I will do my due diligence to make sure it is reliable and trustworthy.)

If you have a large bag of pennies sitting in your living room, or would like to put out a penny jar in your high school, or simply would like to mail me some spare change after buying a coffee, please send your pennies to the following address, and may God reward you for your kindness to humanity:

Rabbi Yitzchak Jaffe

7th Grade Teacher

Temple Isaiah Religious School

12200 Scaggsville Rd. 

Fulton, MD 20759

My wanton praise of Israel will have to take a short break. I will be away in Chicago for all of Passover, and unlikely to post for the next week and change.

If anyone happens to check in: I would like to wish you the most amazing Passover the world has ever known.

OK, I thought things were getting rough in the States. Turns out things are far worse than I could have ever imagined!

Some light hearted fun from my days of confusion in the Israeli army:

I could remember it like it was yesterday, although I still scratch my head each and every time I think about it.

In the Israeli army at the end of every basic training there is a swearing-in ceremony, where everyone shouts their pledges of dedication to the State of Israel and the Israel Defense Force. Not suprisingly each and every soldier receives a copy of the Bible, in Hebrew, to accompany them through the experience.

So there were two soldiers in the unit who were self proclaimed atheists. Why this matters I’ll never know. They were Jews, and loyal to the country, and gave no indication that despite their lack of belief in God they harbored any angst toward Judaism.

Nevertheless, I can still hear the voice of one of them shouting in anger (repeatedly), in a super-thick Russian accent, how he wanted to throw his new book at his sergeant.

In place of a Hebrew Bible these two soldiers were given, without any explanation whatsoever, copies of the Koran in Arabic.

For years I’ve racked my brain trying to explain this awkward moment, but always found myself returning to the oft repeated phrase in the Israeli army: “Ein higayon b’tzava.” (There is no logic in the Israeli army.)

Maybe. Maybe not.

I recently got into a debate with a student of mine about whether or not the claims of some psychics that they can communicate with the dead has any validity.

I almost felt bad for her. She was the lone believer preaching among a teacher and an entire class that not only disagreed with her, but saw her as silly and naive.

I know one grand example is certainly not enough to prove a point, but I stumbled across a video that I thought was so hysterical, and so demonstrated how ridiculous these folk can be, I thought no more fun of a place to post it than right here in my blog: