rabbijaffe

A rant: We recently purchased a Dell laptop. The computer so far seems fine. The customer service…

Well, listen to my story. You tell me if I’m exaggerating…

* * *

As is quite common my wife’s laptop started going unusably slow, and after much frustration we decided to get a brand new Dell laptop.

Now, the sales process, albeit a bit tedious, was polite and courteous. The laptop itself so far seems to be great. We’ve had no significant complaints as of yet.

But listen to this:

As I was finishing up with the sales representative, he listed for me the components of the computer we ordered. When he finished, the dialogue went something like this:

Me: We also want Lojack. You wrote that, right?

Him: (unconvincingly) Yes, uh-huh.

Me: You included Lojack, correct?

Him: (clearly more focused on finished things up) OK, so you will be receiving your laptop in…

Sure enough, when we received the order confirmation Lojack was not listed.

So I called.

I was thrown around a bit, and eventually tossed to the people who actually physically make the computers.

They said it was finished, and that at this point any changes would be impossible. My only choice would be to now purchase the software separately and put it on the computer myself. (You see, ladies and gentleman, that would have been a little too challenging for the folk at Dell.)

Here’s the catch: When purchasing the laptop the Lojack feature was $5 (on top of the $1,000+ we had already spent). To now purchase the software separately would cost $45. I didn’t think it was fair that I would have to spend nine times the original price for something that was the company’s fault, especially after having shelled out so much money.

So I complained. I was tossed around a bit more. I was given the name of someone who could supposedly help. I called him and left a message. I e-mailed him. Over a month later he has not responded to either. (Remember that. It will come back again…)

Now before I get to the really meaty stuff, I would like to say a word about sales.

Say I were at a sandwich shop, and as I left the store I tripped and my sandwich went all over the floor. Most stores at that moment would have pity and give me another sandwich. This would involve taking a full-fledged loss, but they would do it anyway. Why? #1: Because it’s the right thing to do. #2: Because they value me as a customer, and would like me to return (and buy more). #3: Because they value their reputation, and would like me to speak well of them, so others would like to eat there.

Dell.

Here we have a multi-million dollar corporation that somehow people want to use despite the fact that you can spend one hour on the phone so they can tell you they have no system to deal with their own five dollar error.

So, last week I decided that I wasn’t getting off the phone with Dell until I had solved the problem. Just to let you know, I spent over an hour on the phone. I spoke to at least seven different representatives in about five different countries. It’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten so worked up, the vein on my forehead almost exploded.

And sadly, I have nothing to show for it.

Some gems from my talks:

1. Each person I spoke to was obligated to ask me a series of questions. THE EXACT SAME QUESTIONS! By the seventh time I almost crushed my phone.

2. When I referred to the error as “Dell’s mistake” the person on the phone said that it was not Dell’s mistake, but that of a representative.

I ranted (intentionally in caps):

“YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT THE THEORETICAL CONCEPT WE’RE CALLING “DELL” IN FACT MADE NO ERROR AND, IN FACT, CANNOT DO SO. HOWEVER, DELL IS A CORPORATION MADE OF MANY, MANY EMPLOYEES. SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PAID TO REPRESENT DELL. HENCE, IF ONE THEM MAKES AN ERROR IT IS DELL WHO MADE THE ERROR.”

“I see your point, sir,” says an Indian accent.

3. One person very confidently told me he was going to transfer me to a Case Resolution Specialist, and when I transfer lines I should ask for him. I was transferred.

Me: Can I please speak with a Case Resolution Specialist?

Him: Can I have your name and account number, please?

Me: I really just need to speak with a Case Resolution Specialist.

Him: I cannot transfer you until I get your information, sir.

(I angrily proceed… until he starts asking questions about why I am calling.)

Me: I really don’t want to explain everything several times, so can I PLEASE be transferred to a Case Resolution Specialist!

Him: We don’t have anyone here with that title, sir. Can you please tell me the nature of your call?

4. When arguing about whether or not I responded appropriately to the original error, they told me I should have contacted them immediately. They asked me why I had waited so long.

I mentioned my phone calls and e-mail.

He told me they have no records of these calls.

I said: Is this supposed to impress me? I’ve spoken with five people today, all of whom have asked me to repeat the same information. You clearly have no clue with whom I have spoken or what I have spoken about with ANY of them within the past half hour.. And now you’re going to try and claim that you have full records that explain who has and who hasn’t called you in the past month?!?  

5. At one point I asked a sells representative why people purchase these computers despite the experience that I was having. His response: “Because of our excellent products and customer service.”

I had to take a break to laugh uncontrollably.   

* * *

The computer is fine.

It still doesn’t have Lojack.

I’m never going to use Dell again, nor would I refer the company to anybody else.

Why would anyone?

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